this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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