Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
