My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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