Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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