Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
