he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
