She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
