Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
