things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize