that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
