I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
