my being single is dangerous.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
