I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
