I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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