I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
