Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
