Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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