Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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