At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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