saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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