Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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