Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
