My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
