I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
