God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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