got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?