My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.