I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Of course I have a pirate flag
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies