my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo