YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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