we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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