My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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