Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
