So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
