He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Floor bacon is actually really good
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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