We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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