Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
