don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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