I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We are two peas in an std pod
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
