Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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