This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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