omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I party with great urgency now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
