Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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