Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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