Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
