you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
