Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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