i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
