Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
