I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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