I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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