Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
