if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
