so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
