Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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