last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
