You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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