you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
