I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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