Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
