Dual....:-)
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
