So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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