her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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