I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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