WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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