I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love having hate sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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