i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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