I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
