woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
