yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
