Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize