Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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