He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
