my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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