I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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