Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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