I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
