it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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