I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
