i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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