I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
