fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
