And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
