i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
