I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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