i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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