We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
